Wondering what women in biglaw think of the atmosphere/environment. Do some firms have that "boys' club" mentality? Ever feel limited in what you can achieve, or excluded in any way? Regrets about going biglaw?

From a guy's perspective, biglaw women try too hard to be tough. Maybe you have to do it to survive and be respected, but I always feel like they are trying to be hard asses just to fit in. I don't mean to be critical, I'm just always surprised that the successful ones act just like men. The more feminine ones seem to never make partner. I guess that is what it takes.

In our office, the girls tend to eat lunch by themselves more and go out to lunch less often than the guys. They also tend to bond with one or two guys than with each other. I am guessing that they feel more excluded than the guys, who seem to mix with a broader audience.

Guy, I appreciate your response and it is good to get a male's perspective on this. But, you do seem to contradict yourself. You say "biglaw women" -- in your opinion -- "try too hard to be tough," but then you also admit that "the successful ones act just like men" and that more "feminine" lawyers "seem to never make partner." Coming from a woman's perpective -- if being tough is what it takes to succeed and to move up the ranks and to make partner, wouldn't I want to be tough???

Yes, you are correct. I contradicted myself because I find it unfortunate that a woman cannot act like a woman and make partner. So grow some balls and make partner.

I feel that if you are asking these questions, you have some doubts about biglaw. If you're able to to personally speak to biglaw associates and come away with feelings of ambiguity or uncertainty, it's probably not a good sign that you will enjoy biglaw lifestyle. That's not to say you couldn't succeed and advance, but it would appear that you may not personally get much out of being in that type of environment. on the other hand, it's rare to advance without being tough and aggressive and few people get actual and joy and satisfaction from their workplaces. it just seems that the pain at biglaw firms, especially if you're a "nice" person or a fundamentally type B (or otherwise laidback person), is exacerbated than a "typical" work environment.

I do have some doubts, Mike -- you're right. and thank you so much for sharing your perspective. I can be tough when I need to be, but I am a fundamentally "nice" person and pretty laid-back generally speaking, so I am conflicted about whether biglaw is for me. I'm also wondering whether women find themselves to be more isolated in biglaw firms or not. Anyone else who wants to share thoughts (men & women), please do!

I generally agree with Mike, except for the Type A/Type B compariosn. Type A people tend to do well in law and advance in biglaw. However, many of them are also stressed, depressed and unfulfilled. Type B people on the other hand may make partner, but they seem to enjoy working and are able to handle the stress and demands better than the Type A people. You have nothing to lose by trying it out. Even if you don't make partner, it will open doors and fill your bank account for a few years.

I'm not at BigLaw, but BigTex is like BigLaw lite, right? Anyway, as a nice person, I have found the experience more than enjoyable. However, I admit that sometimes I must be a little more assertive than I would like. My firm is ahead of the game on women's issues, which has certainly made my experience better. I suggest finding a firm with generous maternity leave, equal paternity leave (showing equal treatment), alternative work schedules, parenting groups for lawyers, women's initiatives, and the like. Even if none interest you, they indicate a comittment to women. Good Luck!

I don't like it when women feel the false need to overcompensate by being overly aggressive. Women don't need to do anything differently. I actually view normal behavior as a sign of confidence.

• male author

" Ever feel limited in what you can achieve"

well, duh, you're a chick aren't you?

" but BigTex is like BigLaw lite, right?"

of course. texas wants to be taken seriously so badly...